to my dearest brother... if you are reading this... just to let you know that i am touched by your concern for me.. but at the same time.. i wan to let you know that i know how to take care of myself.... and also when i was with Joe i did still smoke... it was only after our trip to LA den did i quit smoking... so don mistake the 2 matters... i quit becos of myself... and not becos of Joe... another thing.. don be so quick to judge all smokers.. i mean if pple wan to smoke den let them.. y bother? it's their life and i'm sorry to say this, but u can't stop anyone from doing wat they wan to do.... hope u can understand this... i'm not saying that smoking is good... i know it's bad for health.. but den again dear brother u have to understand that just because a person smokes does not mean that the person is bad at heart... and its not so easy for smokers to quit... yeah sure... they can say i will quit... but how many really wan to do it? anyway i hope u can lighten up and not have such a dark take on this smoking matter... as long as u urself don't smoke... it's fine... even if one day u were to try it out... it would be fine too... but i doubt u will.... but just lighten up... everybody tries it at least once... even alapu and mummy have tried it... Joe has tried it before too.... so yeah... there it is.. little brother...

well... i guess everything should be fine for now... dad found her... talked to her... had a long talk with me too... so yeah... i'm glad it's over... for now... Another boring day....i'm bored... i'm bored.... i'm bored.... i'm bored..... and i wanna smoke...

i'm tired... so so tired... i wish i could just leave singapore now... and not have to stay in this damn house anymore... no more listening to them quarrel... no more having to endure nites when i can't sleep... sometimes i just get so sick and tired of the both of them... i really wish that i were staying with my mom.. at least i know that they would not quarrel in the middle of the night... at least i could sleep in peace.. but then again... i would miss my dad... guess its all fated... that this woman had to barge into my life... turn it upside down... life was so peaceful when i did not know of this woman's existence... but... my dad is a happier person when he is with her... so i guess i should not be so selfish... but sometimes it just gets so hard to bear.... no one can understand wat i'm going thru... i noe i'm 21 years old going on 22... but at times i wish i was just a kid.. and i would not have to deal with all this shit... it just feels so wrong... like i should not have to deal with all this now... i envy those who have happy families... when they know that their mom and dad would not let them go thru all this stuff... i hope my dad made a correct decision when he married this woman... this woman who will never be a part of my family no matter wat she does.. in fact, i do not hate her... i pity her.. this woman who is like a child.. this woman who thinks that she is strong when actually she is so weak.. this woman who will never, never ever fit in no matter how hard she tries.....

ok... i finally figured out how to have music playing in the background on my blog.... but it takes some time to download...Zzz Slow Slow Slow!

Stroke Of Luck - Garbage

Hanging by threads of palest silver I could have stayed that way forever Bad blood and ghosts wrapped tight around me Nothing could ever seem to touch me I lose what I love most Did you know I was lost until you found me Stroke of luck or gift from God? The hand of fate or devil's claws? >From below or saints above? You came to me Here comes the cold again I feel it closing in It's falling down and all around me, falling You say that you'll be there to catch me Or will you only try to trap me These are the rules I make Our chains were meant to break You'll never change me Here comes the cold again I feel it closing in You're falling down and all around me, falling Stroke of luck or gift from God? Hand of fate or devil's claws? >From below or saints above? You come to me now Don't ask me why Don't even try Stroke of luck or gift from God? Hand of fate or devil's claws? >From below or saints above? You came to me now Here comes the cold again I feel it closing in It's falling down all around me, falling Falling...falling...falling...falling. ..falling...falling...falling...falling


this is a really old song... i first heard it when i was in secondary school... i still remember we used to say that the lyrics had to do with satanism... -.^ silly eh? but 7 years down the road... i heard this song again recently... and i still like it! i had totally forgotten about this band Garbage.. until that day he played the cd at his place.. so rite now i'm like a garbage freak downloading all the garbage songs from kazaa....to date i have already downloaded 32 songs... wonder how many more there are to go... i am bored silly at home!!!! a slacker's life is not so fun after all... when u've slacked for a while... things start to get boring... no income... no people to go out with... all i do is go out sit at kopitiams and smoke and smoke and smoke... but at least now it's not so bad... i still have him... hehe *naughty smile* but i've been meeting him every single day for the past week... and it seems like its gonna be every single day for this week too... except for fri... cos he has guard duty... Zz seems like we'll be leaving for perth on the 5th of July... which is on a..... hmm let me check........Monday! monday??? how are my workin frens gonna come send me off.... think we shall leave on the 4th den... Sunday! I Can't Wait!

just got back from my long weekend.... spent 3 nights together with him... guess he's abit sick of my company by now...? sunday nite was bad... i dunno how to explain how i was feeling... just that i was insulted by wat he said.. normally i won't take it to heart... but when he said it.. i just felt really shitty... maybe it's the hormones... bloody period.... anyway.. today is a bad day for me... drizzle when he was about to send me back... was freakin cold all the way home.. but i guess he was even colder than me? FELL down on my way up to my house... most embarrassing... but it's really painful....... ~>.<~ anyhow, i pray that he has reached camp safely and that he didn't get caught in any rain on the way there.... i'm gonna catch some Zzz's now... eyes can barely open... and i look like a freakin panda.... o.O

Me! 

I am rotting at home... doing nothing.... waiting for him to finish his dinner.... It's taking DAMN Long! I'm going out of my mind here.... i nid to smoke... and soon.... nicotine's takin over my brain.... everything's gettin smoky...... Zzz

just got back from phuture... had a great time reminiscing bout old times with junhe... overall it was a fairly fun nite tonite... =) although there was 1 part where i got really pissed with these 3 assholes who sat at our reserved table... and drank our drinks! stupid guy still had the cheek to ask brandon if he could have a sip of our vodka orange...Zzz and i don like Orange! bet they took our ciggys too! lame fucks! well.. after that we witnessed pple getting into a fight.. lame pple have got nothing better to do i guess... yuansong sent me home... i really wish that he didn't have to go back to camp... sigh.. i miss him... on the way back saw many police cars... looked like a major road block... i hope yuansong is fine.. pray that he didn't get stopped... if not i'll feel damn bad..! i'm super hungry now!!! gonna cook maggi mee.....

"I'm afraid to admit that I'm in love with you, but I can't forget your face and I can't stop feeling your lips. I don't want to mean it when I say, 'I love you', but I can't help it."

I AM PISSED AS HELL! IT IS NOW 4AM IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE TO LISTEN TO PPLE IN THE NEXT ROOM FUCKING HELL MOAN AND GROAN WHILE DOING THEIR MOTHERFUCKING PCB STUFF. CHEEBYE! DON'T THEY EVEN HAVE THE FUCKING DECENCY TO KEEP THEIR FUCKING VOLUME DOWN WHILE DOING THEIR FUCKING STUFF? DON'T THEY NOE THAT PPLE ARE TRYING TO FUCKING GET SOME SLEEP!? FUCKING DULAN! FUCKING PISSED! FUCK THE BOTH OF THEM! MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE TO LET MI LISTEN TO THEM FUCKING AROUND! WHY ME? WHY DOES ALL THESE HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME? WHY DO I HAVE TO LISTEN TO MY OWN DAD FUCK HIS WIFE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? HOW DO U THINK I FEEL MAN... U DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPARE A THOUGHT FOR UR OWN DAUGHTER? DID U EVER CONSIDER THAT I AM ABLE TO HEAR WAT'S GOING ON FROM THE NEXT ROOM? PHUA CHEEBYE! TO HELL WITH THE BOTH OF U ASSHOLES!

Saturday Nite totally SuckeD! Queued to get into CB for 2 hours!! started queuing at 8+... cut queue but still had to pay entrance fee as we only got in at 10.30?! WTF man.. after we finally got in... had a few drinks, danced awhile... FREAKIN police had to come and do a HeadCount! For fuck's sake.... worst sat nite in my entire life.. left the damn place at bout 1+ and ah di sent us back home... poor yuansong's car got scratched... i feel damn bad man... if we didnt wanna go home i guess his car wouldn't be scratched... sigh... but the craziest thing was when we were sitting downstairs.. we decided to go back to CB... Zzz so brandon got his bike and we rode all the way back to CB again... Just for 1 pathetic hour there... kinda regretted doing that..hehe... hmmm... my feelings for him are growing stronger day by day... i dunno if he noes or if he can feel it.. but i wish that i could be with him everyday... but i can't.. we'll both get sick of each other too soon... furthermore we'll be going to australia together and living together... i hope everything works out fine... zzz

"You know you truly love someone when everyday you meet is like the first time you fall in love."

i feel shitty... my whole body is aching...all becos i got forced to jog 2 rounds instead of 1 yesterday... ArgH! my freakin arms ache like mad... Zzzz was just on msn with singyee... she feels sad cos me and mel are always meetin up and she can only meet us like once a week... so she feels that she's kinda driftin away from us... and she also feels that when we sit down and talk....she says me and mel has got more things to talk about... and she doesn't know wat to say... sigh... i told her how i felt too.. i said that yeah i do feel that we're kinda driftin... not as close as before... but it can't be helped... she has to work whereas me and mel are like doin nothing everyday.. anyway! she's coming with me to phuture this fri... i'll cheer her up! and mel had better come too... no matter wat, i'll treasure these 2 gal pals of mine... cos without them, my life would be dull and empty......=( goin to phuture tonite!... wonder if i'll haf fun..? and my freakin ear is still blocked.....


"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same."

i'm tired... spent the whole day outside today...caught a movie (van helsing)... not my type of movie at all.... super exaggerated... zzz my mind is a blank today...haf no idea wat to write here.. all i know is... even though i'm tired, even though this day is over... i wish this day would never end.. i wish he didn't hafta leave..

"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."

my ear is still blocked......

just got back from chinablack....most boring...the crowd sux...songs sux.... totally did not have fun at all....and most importantly... my dancing partner was not around.... zzzz boring..... my head hurts.... think i had too much to drink.... got picked up by this guy named eric... told me that his fren wanted to noe me as well.... but in the end guess he didnt dare to get my number... -.- surprisingly shampoo boy called me.... thought he would not call... didnt haf much to say to him though... i wish he didnt call me... anyway... went down to china's with yuansong and ah di and ah di's fling.... she looks damn familiar man... but she's a total bitch... slut...... sigh.... i wish he were not in tioman.... den he could accompany me...

"I love the way you hold me in your arms when I am drifting asleep. I love the way you gently tuck my hair when you think I do not notice. I love the way you give me butterfly kisses so that it wouldn't disturb my sleep. Most of all, I love the way I feel secure and loved in your arms."

back from meetin mel... am really grateful to have this gal as my fren..... she may not consider me her best fren but i'm glad that she's always there for me when i need someone to pour out all my fucked up shit to... god knows wat i would do without her... really wish she were able to come with me to perth... but her mom.....zzzzzz anyway... brandon's going with me! was damn happy when he told me that he got accepted.... happy till i was speechless.. and he mistook my speechlessness for me not being excited that he could come with me... i can't wait! chatting with this crazy psycho now on msn...keeps talking to me bout DEATH! Crazy or WAT? damn psycho... eh actually its 2 psychos...another one is this crazy shit who says that he looks like edison chen has the charm of tony leung , sings like jacky cheung and has the height of andy lau or some shit..... who the fuck does this psycho think he is man! and now this other psycho is askin me where to cremate or bury his dog when it dies? wat the fuck man...the world is full of lunatics.... should gather them all up and shut them in an asylum.. for god's sake... here's wat he said... and my msn is in chinese...zz just in case u should get mixed up.... babyblue is me...

JuZ enJoying ThePeriod Of CouRting..when Igot ^it its kinda bore 說:
dog;s life up to 12 yr rite?
babyblue 說:
i guess so
babyblue 說:
not really sure
babyblue 說:but big breeds haf shorter life span than small breeds
JuZ enJoying ThePeriod Of CouRting..when Igot ^it its kinda bore 說:
then when they die where to bury them?
JuZ enJoying ThePeriod Of CouRting..when Igot ^it its kinda bore 說:
or burn?
babyblue 說:
cremate?
JuZ enJoying ThePeriod Of CouRting..when Igot ^it its kinda bore 說:
at where?
babyblue 說:no idea
JuZ enJoying ThePeriod Of CouRting..when Igot ^it its kinda bore 說:
when urs die tell me k
babyblue 說:
..

is he sick or wat? asking mi to tell him when my dog dies? this man is seriously sick in the head... i'm gonna fuck the shit out of him... crazy lame bitch!



"Some people come into our lives,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never the same."

i miss him....

my freakin right ear is blocked!!!!!!! can't hear any shit now... hope its just a temporary thing, else i'm gonna have to go see a doctor.... went to phuture on wednesday nite with brandon and wendy and a few of brandon's frens.... was happy to see wendy enjoying herself... i thought she would feel awkward or some shit but i guess she had a hell of a time there... after phuture wendy wanted to go some place and sit down and let off steam... have no idea wat steam she wanted to let off....says she felt guilty when she saw me and brandon kissing "passionately"? i didnt even find that passionate... dunno wat she's thinking man.... anyway we accompanied her to the riverside and sat down and listened to all her shit.... she says it was the 1st time she cried in front of a "stranger" (brandon)... seriously i don't understand why she had to cry... i mean its normal to think about another person even while u're in a relationship... human feelings are hard to control....anyway i hope she and james can work things out... speaking bout feelings... my feelings for shampoo boy are like totally no more.... instead new feelings came along...feelings that are making me think bout wat i really wan... i surprise myself constantly...

"If the only place where I could see you was in my
dreams, I'd sleep forever."

"Well, it seems to me that the best relationships--the
ones that last--are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is...suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with."